“Why is that?”
“The annex is restricted to designated servants only. Even then, they may only enter their assigned areas at specific times. If any servant who isn’t authorized steps into the annex outside of those hours, their head will roll.”
I had no idea. It was true that, aside from a few servants, I hadn’t seen anyone else, but I hadn’t realized access itself was restricted. Is it because of Vincent Bellunita’s condition? I had never been warned against entering anywhere, but I suppose it was fine since I was the servant attending to him.
“It’s a shame, though.”
Renika smacked her lips, her disappointment palpable.
“If you ever want to deliver a letter, just tell me. I’ll deliver it for you.”
“Ahaha. Thank you.”
After parting ways with Renika, I headed down to the dining room for breakfast.
Ordinarily, servants weren’t supposed to use the room, but it sat empty. Vincent refused to leave his chambers, and aside from him, no one else ever came here. I wasn’t even sure if anyone else lived in this mansion; I had never properly seen another soul. My curiosity had only just been satisfied moments ago.
Regardless, there was no one to scold me, so I used the room freely.
But today, there was someone. A guest who had arrived early in the morning.
“Oh, I apologize.”
“It’s alright. Sit.”
He gestured to the seat across from him, his gaze flicking to the potato in my hand. But that was impossible. Dining at the same table as a guest? If Isabella were to see this, it would be the end of me. Besides, I needed my own time to rest. Even a short period with my temperamental Master drained my energy completely.
I bowed my head.
“No, thank you. Please, enjoy your meal.”
“Don’t go. I was feeling quite awkward eating all by myself. It would bring me great joy if you would join me, maid.”
The guest was persistent. I shook my head firmly—for my own sake.
“I cannot do that. And please, just call me by my name.”
“I’m the type of person who believes in showing basic courtesy to women.”
Ethan Christopher smiled kindly, gesturing to the seat across from him again. A truly noble mindset, perhaps, but I remained unmoved.
“I’m fine. I’ll be going now.”
“Are you really going to leave me all alone?”
“Excuse me?”
“To leave me here, eating so lonely… Ah, I can’t do it. Knowing I have to eat alone, I can’t even bring the food to my mouth. I can’t eat.”
He set down his utensils, his disappointment plainly obvious.
“My appetite is gone, too.”
With his muddled, pestering complaint, I finally sat down quietly across from him. Only then did Ethan smile with satisfaction, pick up his spoon, and eat his soup. What a slippery person. Given that his personality was the complete opposite of Vincent Bellunita’s, I wondered how on earth they had ever become friends.
I peeled my potato and took a bite. It was delicious, yet with such an uncomfortable companion, I couldn’t even tell if the food was going down the right pipe.
“The food tastes better when eating with someone.”
“Is that so?”
I answered vaguely, keeping my eyes on the door. I worried that Isabella or perhaps other unseen servants might walk in. Since the area was usually devoid of any presence, dining here felt like a transgression.
Eating while keeping my nerves on edge only left me feeling bloated.
“How is Vincent Bellunita? He seemed quite angry.”
“He wasn’t particularly angry.”
“But he threw objects.”
“He does that quite often.”
“Is that so? That sounds dangerous.”
Yes, and because of it, I often get hurt, too. Still, compared to his initial atrocities, he had been quite tame lately. I didn’t know what kind of change of heart he’d had, but his outbursts had decreased—not that they’d stopped entirely. It’s just that they had shifted from three times to two, and from hard objects to soft ones.
As I shoved the potato into my mouth, a silence settled over us. As the conversation drifted off awkwardly, I shifted my gaze from the door to him. Ethan was hesitating, his lips parting.
I stared at him, wondering what was wrong.
“Do you know, too? I mean, about Vincent Bellunita’s current state.”
“…….”
I immediately shut my mouth and swallowed the dry, clumped potato. From his tense gaze, I understood exactly what he meant. I had been hired for the sole purpose of serving a blind master, after all.
Ethan knew, too. I didn’t know his intentions for asking when he already possessed the truth, but I remained silent, unsure if I should admit to knowing it as well.
Taking my silence as an affirmation, Ethan gave a bitter smile.
“Recently, I’ve heard rumors going around quietly that the Bellunita estate is looking for servants. There are even strange whispers wondering just how vicious the master must be if people keep quitting.”
I listened to him intently and nodded before I realized it. Vicious—well, that was true. I caught myself immediately.
I glanced at Ethan, and he smiled mischievously.
“Vincent Bellunita must give you a hard time, doesn’t he?”
“Not at all. He treats me kindly.”
“You said he throws objects often.”
“Did I? That was a slip of the tongue. I apologize.”
“My, you’re even covering for a master like that. You really are a kind person.”
“…….”
I just kept my mouth shut and buried my face in my potato. He propped his chin on his hand, watching me.
“How were you hired? Did you come seeking this place yourself?”
“The butler hired me.”
Strictly speaking, I was sold here, but I didn’t feel the need to add that detail. Ethan nodded as if he recognized the name of the butler.
“Vincent Bellunita is quite stubborn, isn’t he? Once he gets an idea in his head, no one can stop him.”
“…….”
*Don’t be fooled,* I told myself. *That’s a trap.*
“And he makes it so obvious when things go against his will. Furrowing his brows, making that stiff face… Even when he’s being quiet, he manages to turn your insides upside down once in a while.”
“…….”
*Don’t be fooled. Let it go.*
“What do the commoners call it again? Stubbornness? Like a… mule?”
“Stubborn as a mule.”
“That’s it. That’s the one. Fits him perfectly, doesn’t it?”
I couldn’t bring myself to refute that, so I affirmed it with silence. Ethan chuckled.
“Still, those times were good…”
The laughter slowly faded from his face, leaving only bitterness. He looked out the window at the white clouds drifting across the blue sky.
“It might be hard to believe, but he wasn’t like that in the beginning. He couldn’t leave the mansion, but he managed his affairs, took occasional walks in the garden, and even laughed quite often.”
I had already heard that. It was impossible to imagine Vincent Bellunita taking a walk in the garden or managing his affairs. It was even harder to imagine him laughing. The Vincent Bellunita I knew was a man who huddled inside his sheets, trembling in fear. His entire world was defined by his terror of eating, of taking a single step on the floor, and even of breathing.
“A few months ago, the letters suddenly stopped, he stopped answering, and he wouldn’t meet the people I sent. Given his condition, I grew worried and came here unannounced… now I understand why.”
I had nothing to say to the man who was smiling so bitterly. Words of comfort wouldn’t come easily. It wasn’t a simple matter. Besides, I wasn’t good with words, and I didn’t expect the consolation of a mere maid to ease his worries.
So, this was the best I could offer.
“Please don’t worry too much. The Master is trying his best, too.”
His puzzled gaze landed on me. I said this while biting into the last of my potato.
“He was plunged into total darkness in an instant. Think of how terrified he must be. He must feel like he’s the only person left in the world. If it were me, I would want to die. Because I wouldn’t know who to trust or who to be wary of.”
Even if someone were to throw a punch at him, he couldn’t dodge it. Because he couldn’t see. Things that were trivial to others approached him as terrifying threats. He couldn’t even run away if someone tried to stab him with a knife.
To not even know that my own death was right in front of me… how horrifying would that be?
I thought of Vincent Bellunita trembling from his nightmares last night—the man who said his life was a failure. I was fighting against that fear, wondering what it would be like if it were me. The conclusion was always the same. Wouldn’t I also be huddled away in some corner, trembling?
“But Master did not die. Even though he trembles in fear whenever someone tries to touch him, he is still trying to live. He is fighting.”
Of course, it isn’t that he doesn’t desire death. Vincent, who loathed being touched, refused to eat, and never stepped outside, only curled up on his bed—he was waiting for death. At least, that was how it appeared to me.
But back when he had lost his sight and still maintained a life no different from before, he must have struggled to survive. Even now, he could kill himself by biting his tongue if he truly wanted to. But he didn’t. He had a will to live. I believed that, in itself, was a tremendous effort.
“Instead of offering various comforts, just support him in your heart. Sometimes, silence is better than consolation. You are not Master, Christopher. It is wrong to say you understand another person’s pain. How could someone else know my pain? We aren’t going through it together.”
I am, in the end, only myself. Vincent said something similar last time. I agreed with him. The idea of understanding someone else’s pain was just empty barking. I cannot be Vincent. Unless I were to suffer an unforeseen accident and go blind, any consolation offered to Vincent would only be felt as pain. The same was true for the man in front of me.
“Please wait. So that Master can win.”
“…….”
A moment of silence passed. There was no reply. Ethan didn’t say a word until I finished clearing away the potato peels and brushed off my hands. When I finally looked up, feeling puzzled, Ethan was staring at me with a strange expression.
Why is he looking at me like that? Did I make a slip of the tongue?
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You are truly….”
Truly? Truly what?
“Honest, aren’t you.”
“Pardon?”
“Should I say cold, or perhaps decisive? You don’t look like it on the outside, but you are more affectionate than you seem.”
Is that a compliment, or is he annoyed? I furrowed my brow, unable to understand his words at all. Ethan seemed to ponder for a moment before continuing.
“Still, I cannot just wait forever. There is something I have to deliver to him.”
“If it is important, would you like me to deliver it for you?”
“That would be fine, but I think it would only be effective if I delivered it myself.”
He smiled faintly and declined gently.
“In that sense, I would like to enter the room.”
“You may only enter if Master grants you permission.”
“Could you not use your authority as his maid to make it happen?”