When I pulled my hand away, Vincent narrowed his brow.
“What is it?”
“…….”
“Hey.”
When I still didn’t answer, Vincent reached out. It was a habit born of his blindness; he used touch to map his surroundings. Even now, his hand groped the empty air, searching for something to ground him.
*Look at that. He really can’t see.*
Only then did I exhale, a long, shaky sigh of relief.
“Oh, no. It’s nothing.”
I shook my head, trying to steady my frayed nerves. I tentatively waved my hand in front of his eyes. His vacant pupils didn’t even flicker.
I was overthinking it. As if he could actually see.
“Then why did you suddenly go quiet?”
“Just… I was checking if you were facing the right direction. Ah, that’s good. You should look that way.”
I retreated to the sofa across from him. I rubbed the area over my heart, which had been tightly constricted and was only now beginning to loosen. A stinging sensation made me turn my head, only to find Ethan staring intently at me. When I met his gaze and asked what was wrong, he gave a mischievous grin.
“Vincent is quite handsome, isn’t he?”
“What are you saying all of a sudden? More importantly, how is he?”
“It’s just right. Ah, and refrain from groping the air like that again. It looks strange.”
“Hmm.”
Vincent looked down at his own hand. That, too, was a lingering habit from when he could see. He lowered his palm to graze the table, found the teacup, and lifted it. It was as if he were practicing to see if the gesture appeared natural in his current state.
“Loosen your expression. And your posture is too stiff. Try to relax.”
“How?”
“Just sit as you usually do.”
He was silent for a moment, contemplating the meaning of sitting as he usually did. Ethan chimed in, suggesting he at least cross his legs. Vincent hesitated, then complied. When Ethan noted that he still looked rigid, Vincent leaned his back against the cushions. Only then did he manage a semblance of a relaxed posture.
“Well then, Vincent. Shall we try having a conversation with the maid?”
“What?”
“Pardon?”
Vincent lifted his head. I turned back to look at Ethan.
“Because conversation needs practice, too.”
Ethan tapped my shoulder and looked at Vincent.
“Go on, Vincent. Pretend the maid is Violet and have a conversation.”
“What kind of conversation?”
“Anything. Talk about the weather, for instance.”
Ethan sat down next to me. Faced with the sudden demand, Vincent furrowed his brow. I looked back and forth between the two, flustered.
“Or shall the maid start first? Go on, maid.”
“Yes? Uh, yes?”
“Relax. Just think of me as Violet and talk to Vincent.”
*No, what on earth am I supposed to say?*
I racked my brain. Next to me, Ethan kept whispering, ‘Think of it as Violet.’ What was Lady Violet like? What kind of person was she? Imagining a face as pale and delicate as sugar, I parted my lips.
“Wh-what happened all this time? Why didn’t you come to see me?”
“Violet wouldn’t say it like that.”
Too stiff. The correction came immediately. Flustered, I cleared my throat.
“Vincent.”
“It’s awkward.”
“V-Vincent.”
“Don’t stutter.”
“Vincent~”
“What is it? Why are you doing that?”
When I mimicked a voice as sweet and cloying as honey, Vincent scowled. He wore the expression of a man who had heard something he shouldn’t have.
“Reeeally. What happened? Hmmm?”
“Disgusting. Stop it.”
He was genuinely startled, setting the cup down with a sharp clack, as if throwing it. He was going to break it at this rate. I glared down at the porcelain. It wobbled, but fortunately, it remained intact.
I replaced it in its designated spot and sat back down.
“Please think of her as Lady Violet.”
“How am I supposed to think that when it’s strange?”
“Is it strange?”
“It’s strange.”
How cold.
“Please, try anyway. You need to practice so you can act naturally when you see Lady Violet later. Imagine it, just like when I read books to you. Imagine.”
“…….”
*Come on, quickly now.* I shamelessly urged him. He sighed and parted his lips.
“It’s been a while.”
He started calmly. I answered immediately.
“Vincent~ Really now~”
“……I’d prefer it if you were stiff. You’re making me want to vomit.”
“Why didn’t you come to see me? Do you know how worried I was? What happened during that time? Hmm?”
As soon as I reverted to a stiff tone, his breathing steadied. Muttering ‘It’s Violet, it’s Violet’ under his breath, he seemed to be hypnotizing himself. Was it really that hard? As I beat myself up over my terrible acting, Ethan was clutching his stomach beside me, his smiling face twisted into a grimace as he struggled for air.
“I’m sorry. As you know, I’ve had a lot on my mind. There were dangerous matters as well. That’s why… my nerves were frayed. I was afraid that if I saw you in that state, I might say something hurtful, so I stayed away. I was also worried you might be in danger because I wasn’t in a safe state yet. I intended to come see you once my safety was assured and my body was feeling better.”
“Then why didn’t you reply to my letters? If you were worried about me, you could have at least replied.”
“I didn’t think that far. I’m sorry.”
“I was worried about you. But there were no replies, and even when I came to see you, you wouldn’t show your face. I worried that perhaps you had grown tired of me.”
“That could never be.”
The conversation flowed surprisingly well. I posed the questions Violet would likely ask, and he answered them instantly. Whether he had been rehearsing this in his head or was truly improvising, the exchange was smooth.
“I’m sorry for making you worry. It’s truly not because I grew tired of you. Don’t misunderstand.”
“You’re doing better now, right?”
“Yes, much better. I only said I was recuperating to clear my head while I was at it, so don’t worry too much.”
*Is this enough?* The conversation had gone quite well. Throughout it, he kept looking straight ahead, just as I had taught him. Thinking our eyes might meet, it certainly didn’t feel strange.
Just in case I had missed anything, I went over the things Violet might say in my head one more time. Then, I realized the most important part was missing.
She would surely say this. Holding the words she would desperately utter in my mouth, I cleared my throat again. *Ahem.*
“I-I…”
“I?”
“I, I, I…”
I repeated ‘I, I, I…’ and couldn’t easily continue. Vincent tilted his head. For no reason, I licked my dry lips. It was so embarrassing to say it with my own mouth. It was a phrase so unfamiliar to even hold in my throat. Hesitating, I squeezed my eyes shut and blurted out the most important thing.
“I missed you!”
“…….”
Even after barely getting it out, I couldn’t open my eyes for a long time. I couldn’t bear to look at Vincent. Feeling my face burning, I rubbed my cheeks in vain. When I tentatively opened my eyes, Vincent had a vacant look on his face. His eyes, which had blinked in surprise, soon grew long and soft.
“Really?”
A gentle voice drifted out. It wasn’t a raspy, broken sound, nor was it a voice sharpened by rage. It was a relaxed, slightly mischievous tone. He lowered his gaze slightly before raising it again. The corners of his lips turned up in a wonderful smile.
He was smiling.
His eyes, filled with affection, glimmered.
“Thank you.”
His sweet voice held such consideration. This kindly smiling face was unfamiliar, yet I couldn’t tear my eyes away. It was the face I had seen when I had tea with him in the garden. No, even more affectionate than then… a tender face.
It isn’t me who is supposed to see that face. It isn’t meant for me. I bowed my head low. I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“I’m really fine. So…”
He said something, but it didn’t reach my ears. I clenched my fists and steadied my breathing. Was it because I saw something strange? My heart was pounding. Like I had stolen a look at a secret I shouldn’t have seen.
*Thump, thump, thump.*
It’s strange.
It’s too strange.
“…aid, …dy, …maid!”
“Yes!”
Clutching my chest, I snapped my head up. Ethan was looking at me with his eyes wide open.
“Are you that surprised? I think that’s enough now.”
“Ah, a-ah. Yes. I think it’s enough.”
“You’re good at this.” I muttered a light remark and stood up from the sofa. I’m glad I have bangs for moments like this. They’ll hide my reddened face.
“Keep the conversation as short as possible. If you drag it out, they’ll notice something is off. Just make up an excuse about being tired and end the conversation first. Violet would never be the one to end it first.”
“I shall.”
“Good. So, the posture is set, and the conversation is sorted. The next part is important. First, stand up.”
Vincent Bellunita gripped the armrest of the sofa and slowly stood up.
“And then you just leave.”
“How?”
“I’ll show you the path.”
Ethan Christopher rearranged the furniture to clear his way. He pushed the sofas on either side of the table further back to widen the aisle. In particular, he widened the gap between the sofa on Vincent Bellunita’s right and the table. After that, Ethan Christopher scanned the drawing room and gestured toward me.
“Now, Maid. You should tell Vincent Bellunita how he should leave.”
“Me?”
“Together.”
Ethan Christopher smiled thinly. I desperately tried to reel in my wandering mind and approached Vincent Bellunita. He stood there blankly, as if the look he had a moment ago was just a hallucination. But that image was still floating around in my head. I shook my head, trying to force the memory away.
“Master, I will take your hand and guide you.”
Then, I hesitated in front of his hand. I felt reluctant to hold it. Why am I like this? It was fine just a moment ago. I repeatedly curled and uncurled my fingers before lightly gripping his fingertips.
“Now, if you come out this way…”
“What is wrong with you?”
“Pardon?”
When I asked back, he furrowed his brows. Then, he grabbed my hand firmly.
“Don’t hold it so clumsily. You have to be able to catch me if I fall.”
“M-me?”
“What?”
“No, no, it’s nothing. You’re right. I’ll do that.”
*Alright, I’m holding on tight,* I said, all while trying to wiggle my hand out of his grip. At that, he tightened his hold even more. I was taken aback by the pressure, which felt as if he were trying to keep me from escaping. He feigned ignorance and urged me to hurry with the guidance.
In the end, I led him with my hand forcefully held in his.
“Y-you must memorize the path well.”
“I shall.”
I don’t know why my chest keeps feeling so ticklish.